Its Love All The Way

She woke up before the sun. Shabby, disoriented, lazy. She looked around to find a curled up husband sleeping next to her. The room was in an unorganizable confusion of strewn around clothes and papers. Amidst all the mess and through her sleepy eyes, she looked at him beside her. To her, he was the cutest thing on earth and she bend down to kiss him softly on his cheeks. An unconscious smile she expected to see but he just fidgeted and turned around to continue his comfortable sleep. She smiled, trying not to feel too bad and trying to justify his reaction with reasons of his fatigued state of mind and body, she got up to start her day. The clock ticked away and after an hour of cleaning and organising things, she got started with the cooking. After all the slogging she finally moved towards the bathroom to attend to her needs and give herself a pamper with water. By the time shes ready for office, He had dressed himself up and taken his breakfast which she laid on the table. They were getting late for office and he frowned at her speed. She apologised and walked out with him, with an empty stomach, ear rings in her hand (which she wears on the way) and her files in the other hand. At the bus stop he ran away to catch his bus, without telling her, without looking back. She smiled again, thinking how much of a silly romantic she was and waited for her bus to come. While she waited, she felt the glances of many male eyes sliding through the folded chiffon of her deep green saree. She pulled the cloth to herself rapidly and tried to not get conscious of it. The morning sun rays begin to get hotter and yet her bus hadn’t arrived. She waited there, thinking of where he might have reached. She felt apprehensive thinking of a sweaty him, dehydrated by the sun rays and humidity. Again, her mind sensed the looks on her body from the many men standing next to her. Her deep eyes reddened inside the outline of her black khol. She felt a sudden rise of revolt and a sense of insecurity at the same time. She longed to run to him and stay safe inside his hug. She wanted to talk to him but put aside the idea reserving it for the late evening when she can finally get back to their home and him. At the government hospital where she works as a Gynaecologist, she sat in her consultation room, her nose clogged with the smell of the phenyl with which the sweeper just washed the toilets. One by one, her patients came in. Pregnant ladies, young girls with menstrual irregularities, victims of rape, incest, women with heads bowed down by the weight of shame, wives who are worried over their inability to bear a child.....a long array of troubled women with various problems. She examined each one, talked to them, sometimes cried with them, shared their excitements, relieved their apprehensions. She felt like a midwife sometimes, sometimes like a saviour, sometimes a murderer. All through the day, she had a feeling of anxiety about him. Even while she was engrossed in her examinations she wondered how his day was going, she wondered whether he might even have thought of her once, she hoped he ate his lunch on time and didn’t get exhausted by the sun. She wanted the day to end so that she could get back to her zone of comfort. At the hospital she found herself feeling helpless about the miseries of womanhood. She was deeply pained. She felt vulnerable herself and wanted to run back to him, she wanted to cry. In the evening she got home late to find he wasn’t home yet. She felt too lazy to change and lay on the bed in her deep green saree. When he returned, she ran to hug him and he shrugged her off after a brief embrace. She wanted to tell him about how bad she felt while listening to some of the experiences her patients told her but decided against it as he seemed tired himself. In bed that night, she found herself unable to sleep and a deeply asleep him next to her. All she could do was get up and stand for a while staring outside the balcony. All day she waited to get back home, to cuddle up next to him, to feel secure. The world outside seemed to disown her. She felt like she didn’t have a place to belong to. While all this happened, he slept soundly. The moment he woke up that day morning, he looked at the neatly arranged room and the clean house. He felt slightly guilty for having made her do it all alone and went to look for her. Finding her taking her bath, he too went off to get himself dressed and ready. On the dining table he was delighted to find his favourites and wanted to thank her for it. Since she didn’t show up and he had an urgent meeting to attend, he had his breakfast and when she came, presuming her to have had her meal, he hurried her and they walked out. At the bus stop, seeing his bus come along he ran to catch it fearing he might get late for office if he let it go. All along the way he wondered why she did not call him back for a goodbye kiss and smiled at himself for being such a silly romantic. He faced a tiring day at office and while he lunched he wondered if she had taken her’s. He laughed to himself imagining her funny face while she ate green apples with him during their weekend walks near the marine drive. He wanted to hold her in a hug and pushed the thought reserving it for the evening. The hypocrisies of the corporate life bored him and he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to be his genuine self and hug onto her and listen to her babyish giggles. Too tired after a draining day’s work and the travel back home, he entered his place to find a sleeping her. He felt his love brimming for her and let her sleep peacefully. When she suddenly got up and hugged him, he felt himself the luckiest man on earth. Feeling guilty about not having talked to her and sensing that she was upset about something, he felt uncomfortable. He let go of her trying to avoid a direct conversation which might uncover his guilt. In bed that night he found her silent and lost in thoughts. He wanted to ask her what it was but did not ask fearing what he would say if she said she felt he no longer loved her or that she did not love him. He would be broke without her and hence he silently closed his eyes and fell off to sleep. Below the same roof, two people who loved each other deeply spent that night in solitude. One gazing pointlessly at the world outside the balcony, and the other, sleeping on his bed. It’s often a hard life in which making a living comes first and everything else becomes less prioritised for the people of their class. But when two people like them live together, and deeply love each other, the burden can be eased with expressions of love. The hard life they live can be antidoted with moments of shared solitude and soft conversations. We look for happiness in all places but often fail to enjoy it even if its at a tangible distance, just a conversation away. Life has its own course and in order to survive, we have to move with the practicalities of the world. Letting the race for survival push out love from our priority list is suicidal. Love has to be expressed, the heart needs to be reassured and the skin needs to be touched. To forget to fall in love each day with everything around is to not live at all. Life might bring with it all the testing moments. It might put each one to dead ends. But whatever be it, human life is based on companionship. It truly is Love all the way. In the end, all that matters is a home to belong to and love to sustain you!

No Man Like You

"He".

He was my rain cloud.The one cloud that added a tinge of grey to my crimson skies.The one touch of dark realities that gave me true vision through my dreamy eyes.He was the red of Revolution and the white of Peace. The flow of my Poetry and the hollow of my Solitude.He was my idea of Perfection. The culmination of multitudes,the default configuration I looked for in every other man!
I still sense his smell, the smell of old wine. His wooden drawer still holds his large dialed watch. The thick rimmed spectacles, the small pocket diaries. His files full of jottings. His favourite fountain pen.
Each night as I sit by my lonely bed to write down my heart's heaviness, I relive those many nights when he was by my side. Those night long conversations which gave me direction. His gentle looks on me that made me have faith in myself.He dwells in every inch of me. My flesh and thoughts are all his seeds.He was the first man I learned to trust, to love and to fall back on. He completed me always.I saw numerous men come and go in my life. I lived a failed matrimony which rotted down beneath stale epressions of love.I survived nights of love making devoid of any love. I discovered every facet of masculinity,travelled through each of its meandering valley,yet no one like Him I met.I saw admiring eyes which had respect for me,my words,my poetry, but none like his, which had the warmth of the first sun rays through the winter snow.I felt touches of burning passion all over me, but none like his soothing ruffles on my hair.I heard lips that praised my emerald eyes,but none like his that kissed the emptiness flowing out of them.
Now when I fall into the bottomless pits of lonliness, I miss him. I miss those gentle looks, those reassuring pats on my shoulders, his being there while I lay insecure in bed, his presence in my everyday affairs.
He was,is and will always be my only male Love. The one and only man I can think of and feel a sense of loss. Looking back at life, I do not miss anyone else as much as I miss him. Thinking of the other male occurences, I dont want any of them back in my life.I dont regret having let go of any of them, but Him. And at this point I feel that the only man who will always be a motivating and consoling presence for a woman all through is Him- Him,the Father.
The only man-woman relationship in which the man is not jealous of the woman's creativity,the only relationship in which he is not intimidated by her intelligence or independance, the only relationship in which he does not become a typical male and chain her in his own egos. It is the only equation wherein the man wishes the woman rises above him, he lets her go and be herself, he finds a justification in her every vice.All this he does and stands far away, watching her go on,not expecting anything in return.
At the dusk on my life, when I have traversed through all phases of intriguing uncertainities,I have come to realise this- No one like you Daddy! No man like you ever!

Him and Her

He is the Winter Breeze and She is a Window Flower,
She blooms by her Window,
He passes by Gently,
She Cranes her neck to see him through the tinted window pane,
And He breathes heavily to Crack the glass and Kiss her scented cheeks,
Those brief meetings separated by the tinted window pane,
Are all they have and All they need,
For He, is the Winter Breeze and She, a Window Flower!


He is the Black Night’s Moon and She is a White Water Lilly,
He reflects his Love into her containing waters,
She takes them in, Drop by Drop,
He longs to fall down from the skies and dissolve into her,
And She tries to grow higher up and touch his scars,
Those short night hours separated by the distance of the skies and the earth
Are all they have and All they need,
For He, is the Black Night’s Moon and She, a White Water Lilly!

He is the Blue Sea Wave and She is a Mass of Coral,
He lashes his Love onto her coarse exteriors,
She drenches herself in his salty white foam,
He sails hard to pull her from her fixture, To free her inner self,
And She wriggles to detach her from the sandy bed, To Float in him,
Those everyday struggles of freeing and finding each other
Are all they have and All they need,
For He, is the Blue Sea Wave and She, a Mass of Coral!

He is a Midnight’s Dream and She is a Sleeping Damsel,
He sings to her in her dreamy hours,
She listens on as if it was Real,
He tries desperately to not let her wake up and break their dreamy spell,
And She keeps her eyes tightly shut to retain him within her dreamy eyelids,
Those moments of illusion thrown to them while she sleeps,
Are All they have and All they need,
For He, is a Midnight’s Dream and She, a Sleeping Damsel!

He is the Falling Rain and She is an Indoor Plant,
He showers down outside her door, Upon her roof,
She bends over to slither through the door, To feel a drop,
He tries vigorously to spray through her door, To sprinkle his Love on her,
And She wishes the roof cracks to let him in, To let them Kiss,
Those minutes of rain separated by her roofs and doors
Are All they have and All they need,
For He, is the Falling Rain and She, an Indoor Plant!


Him and Her,
So many Forms,
So many ways,
Each one so different,
Yet So Similar!
The soul within every Him
And the self within every Her,
Hope to meet each other without being held
By curious fears and gripping doubts,
To fall in Love without deliberations,
And to die on each other as if it was war!

"Women Empowerment - Indian Perspectives"

“All agree in recognizing the fact that females exist in the human species. Today, as always, they make up about one half of humanity. And yet we are told that femininity is in danger. If today femininity no longer exists, then it never existed. But does the word Woman, then, have no specific content? ”
- Simone de Beauvoir

Women Empowerment has been the epicentre of social development in our country for almost a decade now. Ever since we woke into the dawn of independence, bringing women at par with men has been a serious concern for the civil society. Today, with globalisation and technological explosions in the scene, it is believed that the situation is ripe for women to extract maximum advantage out of their opportunities. The recognition of Women’s rights by the Constitution, birth control campaigns, criminalisation of sex selective abortions, improvements in the sphere of education with respect to girl children etc have been pointed out to be conducive to the Women Empowerment movement.
While all this remains, the question is, why women don’t feel internally empowered and secure enough to go out and chase their dreams. It can be seen that women constantly live under a fear of being attacked. While in men the fear is of being robbed or fatally injured, in women the concern is of being sexually assaulted. Unless she feels sure that she can walk on the streets without the fear of being violated, she cannot be empowered. All external instrumentalities of empowerment will fail miserably if the internal empowerment does not happen. The external opportunities designed to bring the fair sex to the forefront of developmental activities are fruitless if they do not germinate a sense of internal liberation within the woman.
This presentation attempts to chronicle the socio political and moral connotations that exist in the collective conscience of the society which bring into existence the sense of insecurity in women and lower the definition of the term ‘Woman’ to that of a mere vagina or a womb.

Analysis of the root cause of this fear in women will be done under the following two main heads:

• Women and the concept of “Virginity”

• The institution of marriage and its decisive nature in determining the social status of a woman


1. Women and Virginity – Societal norms and their effect on women

The primary concern of majority women seems to orbit around their virginity or what the society construes to be their bodily purity. The concept of virginity in the context of the Indian society is about having an intact hymen and not indulging in sexual intercourse before a woman is legally and rightfully married off. The celibate woman is expected to be a virgin. This image of woman has been maintained since times immemorial and is continued to remain so even today.
In such a scenario, it is forced upon every woman to see to it that she remains a virgin in the eyes of the immediate society around her, so that she can lead a socially acceptable life. The society polices her in every move and keeps a ceaseless vigil over her activities. It looks for instances which can be used against her to label her as a vamp.
In this sort of an environment, if at all the woman falls prey to any kind of sexual abuse or assault, the society will look down on her and she will become an untouchable, unacceptable being. She will lose her identity and dignity and will be shunned by the people around her even though the unfortunate incident which took place was not due to her fault.
This fear of being shunned by the society creates an insecure feeling in the mind of every woman. This makes her think twice before she decides to get out of her house. She deliberates on how she will be able to get back home and by what time she will be able to return. All such calculations are made with respect to a careful analysis of the possibility of being attacked by some random pervert on the streets. Such thoughts hold back women from going out and doing the things they love or even doing their hard earned jobs.
When this mental conflict is correlated to the realm of women empowerment, it can be rightfully concluded that unless women feel bold enough to walk out of their homes and be sure to be able to return without being harmed, they will hesitate to involve in productive activities even if they are educated or have been provided with various opportunities to develop their potentials. Apart from having contempt for victims of sexual assault, the issue of female reproductive and sexual autonomy lie at the core of passionately held ideological, religious and cultural notions of female gender identity. Even when there is no direct State involvement, governments have frequently been complicit in abuses against women that are carried out in the name of tradition, culture or religion by purposefully turning a blind eye towards them. Societies in all regions of the world create social arrangements to order interaction among members of the community; these arrangements almost always include distinct gender roles. The failure to ensure that women remain within the boundaries of their socially defined sexual roles is widely considered to tarnish not only the woman’s reputation but also her family’s or even her entire community’s honour. Thus, women, not men who engage in the so called “immodest” behaviour are attacked by the society. The international community has also been timid about condemning abuses cloaked in terms of cultural, traditional or religious imperatives, especially when they affect the sensitive domain of female sexuality. In doing so, governments have failed to uphold the principle of universality of Human Rights. The 1993 World Conference on Human Rights declared- “While the significance of national and regional particularities and various cultural and regardless backgrounds must be borne in mind, it is the duty of the States, regardless of their political, economic and cultural systems to promote and protect all Human Rights and fundamental freedoms.” Further, cultural defences for violation of women’s freedom and rights in the context of female sexuality also warrant careful scrutiny as they often don’t reflect a true concern for public or social order and are exploited by people with vested interests .

This is where we spot the major flaw of the women empowerment movements of the modern day.
These notions of virginity and their decisive role in determining the social status of a woman affect empowerment adversely.



2. Women and the institution of marriage

The institution of marriage is given paramount importance in the social life on India. Polygamy has been prohibited by law and couples are expected to stick on to the marriage and go together for a lifetime. The scene is changing now to a limited extent with the onset of liberal views on individual freedoms and cohabitation without a legal marriage is being accepted to a large extent. But looking at the larger picture, it is seen that the family is treated as the nucleus of civilization even today and thus, marriages become important.
As observed in The Second Sex , marriage is the destiny traditionally offered to women by the society. The celibate woman is defined and explained with respect to marriage - whether she was married, plans to get married, is married or rebellious about marriage.
Every human existence involves transcendence and immanence at the same time; to go forward, each existence must be maintained, for it to expand towards t the future, it must integrate the past and while intercommunicating with others, it should find self-confirmation. These two elements- maintenance and progression- are implied in any living activity and for the man, marriage permits precisely a happy synthesis of the two. In his occupation and his political life he encounters change and progress, he senses his extension through time and the universe; and when he is tired of such roaming he gets himself a home and settles down and has an anchorage in the world. But, the woman has no other job than to maintain and provide for everyday life in an orderly way. She perpetuates the species without change; she ensures the even rhythm of the days and continuity of the home, seeing to it that the doors are locked. But she is allowed no direct influence upon the future nor upon the world. She reaches out beyond herself towards the social group only through her husband as intermediary.
Even though times have changed, this is the basic situation of a woman in almost every marriage. Even if she is employed, she has to adjust her prospects in tandem with the likes of her husband and extended family. She has to give birth within a considerable time period after marriage to gain the love of her in-laws. At the same time, the man has no such restraints on his personal liberty even when he is equally part of the marriage.
Further, the woman is held so tight by the pathological grip of moral beliefs and conjugal obligations that she has to think many times before she decides to walk out of a marriage which of course is not the case with a man. She often loses her right to sexual and reproductive freedom and is made to stick onto the marriage despite all these facts by the society around.
This kind of predominance of the institution of marriage also creates a sense of insecurity in women whereby they hesitate to venture into challenging sectors of work and art. Marriage is considered as an inevitable event in the life of a woman and the people around make it almost impossible for her to live by herself.
This tendency of the woman to give up her identity to maintain her marriage eventually dispenses off her inner strength and her urge to grow beyond her limitations.
While such deep rooted concerns continue to breed inside the mind of women, their empowerment is not possible regardless of how much opportunity they are provided with.


Suggested remedies
Coming to the possible suggestive remedies that can be put forth to correct the internal insecurities faced by women, it is felt that a considerable quantum of difference can be brought about through:
• Strengthening the sphere of education with respect to women and instilling in them awareness about their rights and the willingness to fight against violations of the feminine self

• Ensuring that women become economically independent

• Initiating a change in attitude of the male society around

Empowerment essentially means to equip or supply with ability. Therefore, it does not concern itself with external factors alone; rather it is about the internal liberation of an individual. Empowerment should enable a person to form independent views on various aspects of life and also stand strong and express them without inhibitions. For the women empowerment movements to bear fruit, it has to be ensured that women are empowered from within. They have to realise that they have a self, an identity and worth. They too are human resources who have social responsibilities to fulfil and also take active part in turning the wheels of civilization and democracy. Only if this realisation becomes strong in women and a social environment conducive to the manifestations of such realisations is provided to them, can they be empowered in the real sense of the term.
To start with, education has the most important role to play in shaping up a woman of strong beliefs and awareness. Education should seek to generate a sense of individuality in a woman and help her to break free from the yolks of conventional conditionings. She should be let free to choose her field of work and she should be taught not to give up herself for the selfish and egoistic demands of someone else. While saying this, there intends to be not the slightest hint that women should be made to become self-centred and arrogant (as the modern day Feminists think they should be). But nonetheless, women should be made aware of their rights.
There exists a sense of shame in women which holds them back from admitting the occurrence of a sexual assault or any other incident of the same nature. This sense of shame has to be converted into a sense of rebellious stubbornness through education. There is absolutely no need to die in shame in such cases, rather, women should come up and fight against the perpetuators of their violation.
Moreover, education should mould a woman to understand that nobody has a right over her body no matter at what time or place she is and with whom she is. It is only such realisations that can help women overcome their mental blocks and insecurities. A woman’s life is a constant struggle to find herself as well as to fit into the societal norms of modesty, and in it, most of the times, she is made to drown herself and live according to the unwritten but compelling dictates of the immediate society around, including her family. Only when she is given the autonomy to be herself from within will the external instrumentalities of empowerment offered to her find meaning.
The aspect of economic independence also plays a decisive role in determining a woman’s existence and her options. If she is economically self-reliant, she can make her own decisions with regard to her travelling, lodging, work etc. She can opt to live in a much more liberal fashion and also have a say in deciding matters in the family. Moreover, she will not have to hold on to an unhappy marriage if she has the means to sustain herself and maintain her dependants even if she breaks off from the wedlock. The absence of an alternative source of income often becomes the reason behind women sticking onto marriages and succumbing to the dictates of the man. Thus, economic independence is a great relief and violation of women’s freedoms can be antidoted with it to a large extent.
The most important and difficult aspect which hinders the process of women empowerment is the attitude of the male community around. Women have always been viewed as a commodity for sexual use by man and even today, remnants of that archetype exists in the collective conscience of the male society. They are today the most dreaded beings as we see an indiscriminate increase in the number of sexual crimes against women in the most heinous forms. Even within the family, instances of sexual abuse and incest are on the rise. With such happenings all around, the woman is made to feel all the more insecure and she has begun to feel that nothing can actually give her concrete protection from sexual abuses. This fear hinders her intellectual digestion and creates blocks which form a hard cyst around her sense of freedom.

These issues all relate to the mental frame of women and are inextricably intertwined with their sense of empowerment. Unless a woman is made to feel that she is secure and can assert herself without the fear of being isolated, she cannot be empowered. Legal and political safeguards come only at the next level of empowerment. First of all, these issues should be looked into and then, there should be a synthesis of the external and internal forces to bring about an effective empowerment model.

The discussion here was with respect to the large majority of the Indian women and their mental frame in the context of the morality of the Indian society. The situation is different in the western world as their concept of virginity and marriages are far liberal and they give importance to individual choices above the creation of a community life. Even in India, the situation changes in the case of the elite upper class women who can afford luxuries and don’t often heed to the opinions of the society around them. But again, the large majority of womenfolk in the country are still ignorant of their rights and live by the society’s concept of how they should live.
To empower a woman is to refuse to confine her to the relations she bears to man and not to deny them to her. It is to let her have her independent existence.
Woman must not be made to accept, she must be made to challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must revere that woman in her which struggles for expression.

Sugar Sticks!

All I want is to hold onto that timid little finger,
Bite onto those neatly cut white sugar cubes that crown your fingers,
Play with that slender ring finger,
Fight with that short fat thumb,
Kiss the insides of your palms,
Smudge red love on your cotton white wrists,
Nuzzle those curvy round knuckles with the tip of my nose,
Try constantly to open your closed fists,
Keep counting your fingers as though I’d never figure how many you have,
All I want to do is keep pulling your palms to my belly,
And remain in my sleep safe inside the embrace!

A Mother Is Born

My belly ached to empty itself,
As I lay on the stained white cloth
Under the damp ceiling of the hospital room.
Hair in a mess,
Wide stretched legs,
Sweaty I lay crushing the bedcloth under my palms.

At every killing push of pain
Your face flashed before my eyes,
Those rainy nights,
Our playful days,
Those moments of slimy wild thrills,
The love that brimmed in every touch,
The clumsy warmth of every breath.

Scared I lay on the bed,
On the urine stained white cloth,
Tired of crying to myself,
My growling belly ready to burst,
My legs wet of bleeding life.

At the last push of frightening hurt,
My insides emptied onto the floor,
The drops of love you wet me with
On those rainy July nights!

My puffy eyes closed into sleep,
My body shaken by the strain,
Mind completely at peace,
I lay content in a blissful sleep.
You gave birth to the mother in me,
And I kept the word I gave you,
To go through hell or pricking pain
Just to see a smiling you!

White Funeral

Let us make a coffin,
Neatly painted in snow white,
With Lilly buds all over,
Let us engrave my name onto it
With your's at the end,
Let me place into it all that was left unsaid,
Every single breath,
Moments of magic,
All the long pauses,
The deep ocean of our silence,
Utterances in between the muteness,
The plucked jasmine petals.
Join me in the funeral
Of what we watered all these years,
Lets uproot our plant
And destroy all its seeds,
Together lets pray
That our restlessness finds rest in our coffin of eternal silence!