Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense.

- Rumi


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

ഒളിത്താവളം

പറ എടുക്കാൻ ആന വരുമ്പോൾ ഓടി മുറിയുടെ ഒരു കോണിൽ ഒളിക്കുന്നത്‌ പോലെ, ആരെയോ നഷ്ട്ടപെടും എന്നോർത്ത് സങ്കടം   വരുമ്പോൾ രാത്രി പുതപ്പിന്റെ അടിയിൽ മൂടി ഒളിക്കുനതുപോലെ, മഴ  വരുമ്പോൾ വഴിവക്കിലെ ഒരു വാർത്ത‍ മേല്ക്കൂരയ്ക്ക് കീഴെ ഒളിക്കുന്നതുപോലെ, ഒറ്റയ്കാകുമ്പോ ഓടി ഒളിക്കാൻ ഉള്ള ഒളിത്താവളങ്ങൾ ആണ് നമുക്ക് ഇഷ്ട്ടമുള്ള ഓരോ ആളും, ഓരോ വിനോദവും. എല്ലാ ഇഷ്ട്ടങ്ങളിലും നാം കണ്ടെത്തുന്നത്   നമ്മളെ തന്നെ ഭദ്രമായി ഒളിപിക്കാൻ പറ്റിയ  ഒരു ഇടമാണ്. ആ ഇടത്തിൽ   ഒതുങ്ങി ഇരികുമ്പോൾ നമുക്ക് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു   എന്ന് കുറച്ചു മുൻപ് വരെ തോന്നിയ ആ ഭാരം ഇല്ലാതായത് പോലെ ഒരു തൊന്നൽ ഉണ്ടാകും. ആ ഒളിത്താവളത്തിൽ ഇരുന്നുള്ള നമ്മുടെ നോട്ടങ്ങൾ നീളുന്നത് വിശാലമായ മറ്റൊരു ലോകവീക്ഷനതിലെക്കാന്. ആ വീക്ഷണത്തിൽ നമ്മുക്ക് ചിറകുകൾ   മുളയ്ക്കുന്നതായി അനുഭവപെടും,നമുക്ക് മുന്നിലെ സീമകൾ   മെല്ലെ ഇല്ലാതെയാകും. ആ ഒളിത്താവളത്തിന്റെ  ർത്ത ഒരു ചൂടിൽ നമ്മുക്ക് നമ്മളെ തന്നെ ഉയർത് എഴുന്നെള്പിക്കാനുള്ള ഒരു അപൂർവ ഊർജ്യം ഉണ്ടായി വരുന്നതായി തോന്നും.

പക്ഷെ ഒളിത്താവളങ്ങൾ എപ്പോഴും ഇടനേരങ്ങൾ മാത്രമാണ്. ഇടനേരത്തെ ഒളിച്ചുകളി കഴിഞ്ഞാൽ മടങ്ങി പോകേണ്ടത് പരിചിതമായ ആ ഇരുട്ടിലേക്ക് തന്നെയാണ്. ആ ഇരുട്ടാണ്‌ നമ്മുടെ എല്ലാവരുടെയും യഥാര്ത്യം. ഉള്ളിലെ ഏതോ താഴച്ചയിൽ തളം  കെട്ടി കിടക്കുന്ന ആ ഇരുട്ട് എന്താണ്?

            ജനിച്ചു വീണ നിമിഷങ്ങളിൽ അനുഭവിച്ച ആ ഭീതി, മരണം വരെ നമ്മെ പിന്തുടർന്ന്, എത്ര ശ്രമിച്ചാലും നമ്മുടെ ഉൾപ്രപഞ്ചത്തിൽ   നിന്ന് വേർതിരിച്ചു അടർത്തി മാറ്റാൻ കഴിയാത്ത ആ നിശബ്ദമായ, സ്വയം വിമർശനാത്മകമായ ഏകാന്തത  തന്നെയാണ് ആ ഇരുട്ട്.


ഒരു ഒളിത്താവളത്തിനും വെളിച്ചം വീശാൻ കഴിയാത്ത ഉള്ളിലെ ഏകാന്തമായ ആ ഇരുട്ടിൽ നിന്നും   വീണ്ടും വീണ്ടും ഓടി മരയേണ്ട കാര്യം ഇല്ല. ആ ഏകാന്തത  ഒരുതരത്തിൽ വളർച്ചയുടെ വിത്താണ്. നമ്മുടെ ഉള്ളിൽ ആഴത്തിൽ നട്ടു വെച്ചിരിക്കുന്ന ഒരു വിത്ത്. ചിന്തയാണ് ആ വിത്തിനു വളം, സ്വപ്‌നങ്ങൾ ആണ് ആ വിത്തിനു വെളിച്ചം, മൌനമാണ് ആ വിത്തിനു വായു.


ഉള്ളിലേ ഏകാന്തമായ ഇരുട്ട് തന്നെയാണ് ശാശ്വതമായ ഒളിത്താവളം. ആ ഇരുട്ട് ഒരു പുതപ്പു പോലെ ചേർത്ത് വെച്ച് നോക്കു, ആശ്വാസം കാലൊച്ചകൾ ഇല്ലാതെ മെല്ലെ വന്നടുക്കും. ഒരിക്കലും നിലയ്ക്കാത്ത, ശാശ്വതമായ ശാന്തിയുടെ   നേർത്ത ഉറവ പോലെ.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Identifying and Enacting an Epic Woman


“Woman is the companion of man, gifted with equal capacities. By sheer force of vicious custom, even the most ignorant and worthless men have been enjoying a superiority over women which they don’t deserve and ought not to have.”
- Mahathma Gandhi





                                      
The interpretation of epic characters has at all times been the fond interest of artists associated with all forms of expressions. The relevance of such associations is needless to question because of the foresight and depth of the epics upon which their modern interpretations are based. Be it the case of the caste based humiliation faced by Karna or the politics of war between Rama and Ravana, or the lament of Duryodhana, every instance in the epic texts can be given a contemporary colour and linked to the lives of the people we see around us today, ages ahead of the timeline during which the epic characters are believed to have lived. As against the generality of this observation, the case seems to get more complicated and confusing when it comes to making contemporary interpretations of the female characters of the epics. The deep rooted societal archetypes with respect to the notions of femininity add multiple layers to the fabric of the characters of epic women. Hence, understanding them and placing them into the contemporary scene becomes difficult but at the same time very intriguing.
Among the prominent women of the Mahabharata, Draupadi, the daughter of the Drupada king is an almost ideal example of the contemporary Indian womanhood. She is believed to have been born as an adult from a holy pyre, and, according to the text, the purpose of her birth was to initiate the final war between the Pandavas and Kauravas.  Draupadi is a largely misunderstood and misinterpreted woman of the Mahabharatha. She is pictured as the voluptuous woman who gave in to all the 5 Pandava brothers and lived the life of a dignified, married, whore. The assumption that a woman who had to yield sexually to 5 different men with 5 distinct needs is a vamp who enjoyed such a fate is the starting point where my interest in understanding the character germinated. I was intrigued by the image of that of a royal whore which is attached to Draupadi, who was publically disrobed and humiliated in the open court of the Kauravas. It seemed paradoxical to me that a woman who had undergone such suffering is alleged to have enjoyed it all and, in fact, brought it upon herself by choice. It was from this feeling of curiosity and empathy that the investigation into the character, and, the social and moral circumstances of women in general began in my mind.



  • ·Draupadi – My first thoughts
It was the English translation of the Oriya novel ‘Yajnaseni’ by Dr. Pratibha Rai that threw significant light into the episodes of the life of Draupadi for me. I was in high school back then when I first read it upon the suggestion made to me by my father. The book interprets the episodes of the Mahabharatha from Draupadi’s perspective and brings out effectively the plethora of issues she faces as a woman and as the wife of the Pandava brothers. Upon the first reading itself a feeling of self identification took over and my mind immediately raced to the possibilities of presenting Draupadi as a representative of Indian womanhood through my vocabulary of expression, i.e. theatre.
I was certain that Draupadi’s story definitely can be placed into the lives of almost all women around the globe but the thought was too general and vague. It had to be condensed and transformed into episodes that can be theatrically represented and woven together as a story that makes sense.

Over the next few years, I made deliberate efforts to read and re-read books about Draupadi as well as about women in general to mould my thoughts into concrete shape. ‘Ini Njan Urangatte’, ‘The Second Sex’, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’, ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’ and a number of various other books came across my horizon of reading and after every book I collected some significant observation about the lives of women. The insight gained from many cult classic movies that I happened to watch was also very vital to the fixation of my own convictions about women in general.



  • The task of becoming her
During my investigations into Draupadi and as an effect of my general reading experiences, I realised that the first thing I needed to build was conviction. I had to identify and confirm my own personal stand about the plight of women before I could perform the same using Draupadi as a medium. This, to me, was the most difficult and confusing phase. I was barely 19 years old and I sometimes found myself totally lost in the middle of the information I got from the books I came across and the observations I made around myself. There were times when I felt I could never feel stable about my changing thoughts and even decided to stop thinking and give it all up. That was when I got help from my mentor in theatre Professor Chandradasan. With his help I would try to sort my mind and put things into better perspective.
Slowly I started preparing myself to feel Draupadi and relate her to my own life though my real life experiences are not as intense as her’s.

My efforts and thoughts were taken to a higher level when I was chosen to portray ‘Janaki’, in the Malayalam play ‘Abhayarthikal’, written by the learned G.Shankara Pillai. The play is believed to be the Indian version of the famous Scandinavian play ‘The Dolls House’, written by Henrik Yohan Ibsen. The Ibsenic influence caught me and I read other plays written by him. I was introduced to a style of playwriting which made me feel a sense of solidarity for the portrayal of human emotions with a stoical expressiveness that penetrated deep into the conscience of the reader.
The performance of the play instilled in me the confidence that my thought process was on the right track and that my Draupadi would certainly communicate to the present day women.
Slowly and steadily, the woman in me began to shed all ornamental notions administered to me by my surrounding society and think independently and address issues of women from a humane perspective. It was during this phase that I realised how hard-hitting the similarities between Draupadi and every other woman of this era is.
Each time I went out or travelled and experienced the male gaze molest me, I would think about Draupadi  on the day of her wedding when she was suffocated by eyes of men who had gathered to win her over in the swayamvara. Each time I saw how political games affected women and children the most, my mind would travel to the episode where Draupadi laments the incidence of the Kurukshethra war and its pointlessness.
Each time I would act a certain way to survive my day, my thoughts would go back to the identity crisis Draupadi faced. She was the shadow of every man she was with and never had the opportunity to be herself.
Above all, each time I experienced a sense of loneliness and emotional turmoil I would sit back and think of how needy a woman Draupadi was and how deprived of companionship she might have been, even in the abundance of marital partners and societal status as a queen.
My doubts had all gradually ceased to emerge and I was ideologically and emotionally sure of what I wanted to portray through Draupadi.
My mind had reached a consensus finally.



  •  The process of converting ideas into performance
After I made myself emotionally sure of how I wanted my Draupadi to think and feel, the next and the major challenge was to build a definite storyline and convert the thoughts into gestures and actions that can be performed theatrically. After repeated discussions with Professor Chandradasan, we devised a body language and structure of performance for Draupadi.
We decided to use a semi stylised pattern of acting. The emotional scenes were decided to be performed using a realistic style of acting whereas for the other areas we choose to rely on forms like Kalari Payattu, Kathakali, Chau and Kathak. This hybrid, we felt, was the most suitable to depict our theme. To aid in the process of storytelling, Professor Chandradasan also brought in paintings and decided to use them to give more insight into the fabric of the play.
In the middle of building the play, I happened to have an opportunity to play ‘Mandodhari’ in C.N.Srikandhan Nair’s ‘Lankalakshmi’. The experience further empowered me emotionally and equipped me physically as it exposed me to the culture of traditional, physical theatre. The self sufficiency of Mandodhari and her sense of resilience helped me mould my Draupadi better.


Finally, on August 20, 2012 the play was staged at the Changampuzha Park, Edapally. The journey of being and analysing Draupadi continues in my conscience even after the performance. My Draupadi is a woman of deep understanding and intelligence. The fact that distinguishes her from the other women of the Mahabharatha is that she was very well aware of her circumstances. She was never an all-suffering woman who did not rebel against the decisions about her life which were made by other people on her behalf. Neither did she owe everything to fate like any other conventional Indian woman. She choose to keep silent and go through whatever came her way with the full knowledge that it was unjust and that she deserved better than what she got. Even when she rebelled against the odds in her own individual ways, she was also not all that empowered to break out of the constraints and abandon the people who she believed were her family. She found solace in her evergreen lover Krishna whom she considered as the epitome of an ideal lover. She confided in him and dreamt of him and those were the only moments of consolation Draupadi ever experienced during the entire span of her life.
This is where she becomes the representative of the contemporary Indian woman who is not only educated and aware but also tied into the archetypes of family and morality fed into her head by the collective conscience of her roots.
She thus is an apt tool which can be used to draw relevant analogies with the lives of the modern day Indian women. The underlying feeling of agony and the longing to break free and also the inability to shake off the shackles of social conditionings that Draupadi went through is the very same feeling of being burdened that almost every normal Indian woman faces today.
In that sense, Draupadi is even today, a character that gives scope for interpretations of various kinds and dimensions.



As published in the Kulashekara Festival Souvenir 2013) 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Thanksgiving


I am about to spill more ink over a topic, the possibilities of which are so exhausted by constant discussion that there remains almost no angle of it that is to be explored - Rape.

Everyone talks about laws and the victims and their experiences and keeps playing the blame game and the cover up game when it comes to crimes. When the issue in question is a rape, the voices particularly strengthen up and have a tone of specific solidarity, rage and revolt.And, what is the demand? Kill the perpetrator they say. That seems to be their silver bullet to put an end to the happening of the act.
After all the candle lights burn out and the temporary political hullabaloo settles down and the silent protestors disperse, there comes to surface a silence. A silence so cold that it has the same inertness of the winter snow. And then, well who bothers!
Everything and everyone moves on but what about the fear that seeps into the minds of a sensitive few? There seems to be no remedy, no help, and sometimes no escape. The possibility of a sexual assault at any moment becomes as inevitable as the possibility of death. If the probability of death seems to be at par with the probability of a rape, then I shudder to think what the relevance is of a government and an organised citizenry. 
Our lives sure have no guarantee but our safety ought to have some assurance and the reason is simple - we are human beings who live in the most technologically advanced, culturally evolved, politically mature era. The state cannot be callous. It has to let go of its shackles of colonial slavery and stop chasing the ghosts of superficial development and vote bank politics. People have issues, grave ones that ruin their sleep and mental frame.It is hard to live under anxiety. It is hard to read about the most crude forms of sexual perversions in the newspapers and forget them and get back to routine life. It is hard to stop thinking of the agony of the affected and focus on individual goals. It is hard to live with a sense of helplessness and guilt about not being able to do anything to change things.It is hard to sleep and hard to kill the fear. It is hard to empower the self because the rat race for success leaves no time to spare. 
These hardships seem especially hard when no one acknowledges,no one listens and no one consoles. These thoughts they say are trivial and not worthy to disturb a sound night's sleep for.

Thanks be to whoever and whatever, because, because of you we can no longer trust, believe or give in. We can no longer put faith in those happily ever after fairy tales. We no longer have childhood.
Suspicion rules our lives and so does apperehension.

Thank you government, thank you schools and colleges, thank you religions.
And,never the least, thank you gentlemen.

Monday, March 4, 2013

My Disheartened Dream

Dive,
Until you see your depths,
Until you conquer your fear,
Until you can stay underneath no more.
My disheartened dream,
Dive.

Float,
Until you loose your faith,
Until you outnumber your trials,
Until you can take no more.
My disheartened dream,
Float.

Drown,
When you know there is no purpose,
When you see your shore blur,
When your tears mingle the blue,
My disheartened dream,
Drown.